Just when you think that you have a full plate, you may want to think again.
I always wonder how much I can handle in my life, before I have to increase my Zoloft dosage. I have discovered, I can handle a lot.
Two weeks ago, my mom got really ill with pneumonia. She was put on oral antibiotics, which didn't help. She was admitted to the hospital a week later, where she has been residing for the last week. She got worse, and worse, and worse. We kept hitting hurdle, after hurdle, after hurdle. I was trying to be strong for her, but inside I was dying. I was so frightened that I was going to lose her. I kept thinking, she wants to go to England, she wants to see her family castle, she wants to see her grandkids grow up, they need her, I need her.
I couldn't talk about her condition because it made me cry. I have a lot of friends in my corner, but I couldn't talk to them, because I didn't want to. I tried to train for my triathalon, but I just wanted to go home and sit in a dark room and think about nothing. My job which I take pride in, was something I didn't give a crap about at the moment. I skipped a mandantory meeting because I couldn't get out of bed.
One week into her hospital stay, my mom turned a corner and began improving. She was alert, and talkative. I thought I had hit the jackpot. She was finally getting better. After failed attempts at placing a PEG tube, and NG tube, thinking she had cancer and other horrible things, I may get my mom back.
Well, here we are, 8 days into her hospital stay, and things are looking up. I am so happy right now. I get another chance with her. You never know how much time you have with the ones you love. You put off calling them, telling them how much you care for them, spending time with them. This has been a learning experience for me. I have learned what is most important in my life. Not laundry, mopping, work, school, tri-training. It is family, friends and relationships.
To all those who still have your moms around, you are so lucky. The time we get with them is limited.
To my beautiful mom,
I love your strength, compassion for life, your love for my children. I am so happy that I get more time with you. I will now make the most of it.
